You know what I’m not here for? Girls who say they’re bisexual but just never found a girl they like
Really? You managed to find 15 shitty dudes with greasy snapbacks and half assed mustaches that you want…
I’m a lesbian though, and I only date other lesbians. So, I don’t care if bi girls want to date me???
You do, though!
You’re being a straight dude here: telling these women that their sexual history is something you have the right to judge and take personally.
At heart, the friendzone is not about getting laid. It’s about control. Friendzones are never about that one guy. They’re an accusation of reverse sexism - “You don’t like nice guys, you want to date assholes.” Sexist men are threatened by the idea that women have independent lives. They’re angry on behalf of all men, and they usually explicitly claim insult on behalf of an entire gender. It’s much worse than begrudging sex per sex.
You’re telling these women that their sex lives are a failure to measure up to your standard. You’re telling them that they have to prove to you that they’re really interested in nice girls, and accusing them of just wanting to date assholes. You’re also telling them that they aren’t part of your community until their sex lives (which have nothing to do with you! because you wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole anyway, did I just see a fedora materialize on your head?) shape up. And like every stupid sexist straight man, you’re assuming that these women tell you anything important.
Here’s a thought: you sound like an entitled jerk from all the way over here. Maybe these women also think you’re an entitled jerk? Perhaps you do not have an insider perspective? Perhaps you are one reason they don’t feel comfortable dating around amongst women?
And you know, I’m not here for this. I’m not here for passing off your snippy bullshit as nothing more than snippy bullshit. Queer people and women are scarred by this idea, this sense of appearance. We depersonalize our loves, even our ability to love, because homophobia and misogyny have taught us that we have to look acceptable to outsiders.
We check ourselves constantly, we worry all the time. Fat, ugly, needy, frumpy, foolish, sick, tired, slutty, greasy, dirty, obvious, cheap. Contaminated, traumatized, alone. Are we cute enough, polished enough, inhuman enough? Have we earned the right to respect? Have we finally transcended ridicule? Our parents make us wonder if we’re performing right.
So don’t do this, woman who calls herself a feminist. Don’t go around telling queer women they’re having sex the wrong way with the wrong people. Don’t inflict your suspicion on them as though it’s productive, as though you aren’t just being a selfish, narrow-minded jerk.
You wrote a lot, and to be honest I stopped reading after the second paragraph. Why, you ask? Because I’m a lesbian separatist and I literally do not care about whatever it is you said after I was just like a man